Wednesday, June 29, 2005


Sometimes product price labels are funnier than I ever would have imagined. Take, for instance:

FU Blanket
Fun Pack Ass

or, my personal favorite:

STD Pillow.


From my work on the planogram team, where we re-set merchandise, and change the backgrounds, shelves, and hooks on the aisles, I am certain that somewhere near corporate headquarters there must exist a pristine Target store; unshopped and untrafficked by customers, its aisles remain clean and clear (and under control). All of the merchandise is on the shelves, in its proper places. A man with a red button down collared shirt, dress slacks, and a solid white tie with the Target logo embroidered at the bottom walks this store's lanes, looking and pointing, calling out changes that would make shopping more efficient, and more economical for the "guests". A harried assistant writes down the changes on a yellow-sheet legal pad, scampering alongside the man with the white tie, jotting down abbreviations, locations, and exclamations inbetween pushes of his half-metal-rimmed glasses back up onto his nose: "Move Glad bags to other side of Ziploc," "Shelves in 21, 46, and 57," "Heavy duty garbage bags switch with drawstings," "Change C3 from clearance to Home Decor". Naturally, this store would have its own planogram team, ready to make the white tie's wildest dreams come true.

Saturday, June 25, 2005


I saw four movies so far this week. Batman Begins (for which I wrote an FSReview), The Grifters (with John Cusack, which I've owned for close to a year and just saw for the first time), One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and A Place in the Sun (checked out from the library simply because it was mentioned in The Clash's "The Right Profile").

Everything was good. Some (BB) were more good than others (Grift), but I would recommend all to never-before-seeners. There were three references from the Simpsons that came from ...Cuckoo's that I now fully understand and appreciate. And the three that were not Batman Begins were based on novels. Makes me want to read them. But I started re-reading The Great Gatsby.

Then there's this guy that has come in to Target no less than 3 times looking to exchange a case, a case, of puffs tissues (24 72-count boxes) for Puffs plus lotion, which is what his wife really needed.

"We opened this case up, it was like the third one we had, and found these in it. I tried to exchange them for the four-pack 64-count puffs plus lotion you had here, but they wouldn't let me exchange them, and you're out of the individual boxes. When will you be getting a truck in?"

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Secretly Ironic

I once learned to read the future
In the flight of birds and pig entrails.
And from the balance of your humours,
I could tell if you'd pass or if you'd fail.

For fifty years I've earned a living
Showing many others what may come.
Most my life I've been giving
Much advice and sage encouragement to some.

But I haven't much time,
I know when I will die:
On a secret holiday away from home,
I bite off more than I can chew alone.
And then I wheeze out to you to phone
The emergency room.

Young and old come to see me,
They wait in line to hear what I say.
They ask me for the lottery,
I tell them it doesn't work that way.

With eyes I see what's been missing,
With ears I hear what's going wrong.
With luck I'll shake these premonitions,
With hope I'll find where I belong.

But I haven't much time,
I know when I will die:
On a secret holiday away from home,
I bite off more than I can chew alone.
And when I wheeze out to you to phone
The emergency room,

You're taking a nap to avoid the disaster
That I couldn't see (not very clearly).
I knew it would happen to you or to me.
Now I can't move my knees
Have given out, my pleas
Are fading out, a sneeze
Would rescue me.

And I haven't much time,
I need to catch your eye.
So I throw this stone right at your head,
And you grab my throat to choke me to death,
But you save my life instead,
You save my life instead,
You save my life instead.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Weezer, Make Believe


Cuomo's past self-deprecating humor spoke so much louder than his hackneyed efforts on Make Believe.

everything is toned down for inexcusably weak verses that are stuffed with flaccid, palm-muted guitar parts...

Presiding over it all is an exasperated Cuomo, shaking his voice and taking exaggerated gasps of breath all over the album.


All this as I sing the line "I am going to haunt you everyday" multiple times at work today.

Sunday, June 05, 2005


Spoilers for the movie Crash co-starring Chris "Ludacris" Bridges


Mike: Give me about a hundred words or so on what you thought of Crash.
Mike: Let your thoughts flow through your hands like the mighty Mississippi.
Me: Okay.
Me: The plot was well done, much suspense.
Me: Characterization was pretty good, side-stepped stock characters despite subject manner.
Me: I still got bored a few times, but that could have been my attention span.
Me: Some of it did seem a little contrived, like with the crabby sandra bullock realizing that her maid is her best friend.
Me: 's been done.
Mike: Like hwo you got bored in Million Dollar BAby.
Me: The message was a bit mixed and obscure.
Mike: You and your crappy attention span
Me: Yeah, but that's because that movie was a lot worse
Me: (plot-wise)
Me: Direction and cinematography in this movie was very good.
Me: Great acting, at times it was questionable only because of the writing, but the actors did a great job with what they were given.
Mike: even Ludacris?
Me: Back to the message, like I said, it seems like he's (Paul Haggis) saying that all this stuff is happening, but it's circular.
Mike: The n00b
Me: I enjoyed his performance
Me: very realistic
Me: I liked his character too.
Me: Like it seemed that only a few people actually learned from their mistakes.
Me: Possibly Matt Dillon and Sandra Bullock.
Me: White boy cop saved one black guy's life, but still didn't trust another and shot him dead without hesitation.
Me: Black director... couldn't tell, seemed like he built it all up and exploded, but don't know if he learned anything?
Me: Don cheadle was pretty cool.
Me: and I liked how they tied things together.
Me: It didn't seem too corny seeing that guy rescue the same woman he pulled over before.
Me: And I liked the case with Cheadle's brother and him having to prosecute this white guy even though he knows he didn't do anything wrong
Me: well, he has an inkling.
Me: Kind of shakespearian, with deaths that could have been avoided, but were ironically not.
Me: Is that 100 words yet?
Me: Good, perhaps great movie, but not perfect.
Me: 8/10

Saturday, June 04, 2005


This is where I would ask if anyone wanted to see The Rolling Stones in Tampa, but seeing that only $100+ tickets are available now, I realize that instead of seeing them I could just get 7 or 8 of their CDs since I don't really know their non-singles stuff anyway.

Thursday, June 02, 2005


Care of Too-much-time-on-her-hands Tina (look who's talking, I know):



There's a story being thrown around on the local news about a 62 year old woman who shot and killed a man who was breaking into her house. Apparently he was a repeat offender who burglarized more than one home. She's being hailed a hero.

Knowing if I were in the victim's position I would have the ability to take down an intruder or possible attacker without punishment in my home (well, now even outside the home- NRA Uses New Florida Gun Law as National Model: The new law passed last month and, pushed by the National Rifle Association, expands that authorization to shoot at attackers "literally everywhere," Krischer said.) is comforting, but taking the time to think about the situation is more troubling on the psyche.

I think the reporter of the story said something like "If she hadn't shot him, he would have gotten away, or worse, the burglaries would have continued." Or worse? What would have happened if it was a 35 year-old man being burglarized by a 62 year old woman? Would people react the same way? No. The family would chalk the burglary up to senility and the man would be jailed for manslaughter. Or if the law did cover him, he would probably have to move due to public outrage.

With that new law in place (as mentioned in the article) there will probably be more than one shooting due to pending danger in traffic, A.K.A. road rage. Despite the fact that the world is not as scary as the local nightly news makes it out to be, I still can't help myself from shuddering every once and a while.