I can cut, copy, and paste once again in my preferred internet browser, Firefox.
I knew it wasn't a problem with the browser itself (I swear, I never doubted you, Foxy), it was an outside virus only (seemingly) tinkering with the copy clipboard in Firefox. How annoying. Jerks.
Hiding your virus in a program called "advertismen" wasn't exactly the most subtle course of action (then again, maybe it was just a red herring, and a larger problem lies bubbling under the surface of my operating system).
Thankfully, the internet is more beneficial than it is harmful, and googling files ("pushow99.dll" in this case) really helped.
I would like to thank the following sites for making the following pasted links in this post available:
Major Geeks Forums
Grisoft, home of AVG, and now...
(You don't know how valuable "ctrl + c" and "ctrl + v" is until you go without.)
Edit: Check out this guy's solution to the problem, if you are experiencing it too. (It is apparently mostly from bad P2P network files...)