I thought about quitting my job for a full hour today. How to do it most poignantly, that I probably won't have an opportunity to quit any jobs later, since I'll need them for sustenance, how it would ruin the section entirely, etc. Yesterday they announced that the owner of the paper shot down the idea of a fake news issue (though everyone on staff at our "student-run" newspaper was truly excited at the notion), but that wasn't what pushed me over.
This is what did it this time. I wrote, without exaggeration, the BEST headline of my career, "Japanese police announce possible nuclear threat," and some dipshit changed it to "The Police Club set to play on campus Tuesday," which renders the following subhead line totally redundant and useless.
Read the fucking article, losers. It's about TOKYO POLICE (Japanese police) Club OPENING (announcing) for COLD WAR (nuclear standoff -- BOOM BOOM) Kids. NO ONE is going to see that headline (in the Arts & Life section) think that it's REAL (next to a picture of a group of guys holding a red flag and bubble gun) and AVOID reading the article about it. Then again, I guess I shouldn't put anything past our average reader here...
Loser 1: Dude, there's going to be a nuclear war!!!
Loser 2: Really? Where'd you hear that?
Loser 1: Our student newspaper.
Loser 2: Damn, then it MUST be happening! When's it going down?
Loser 1: Dunno, I didn't read about it, I just saw the headline.
Loser 2: Cool.