Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Homeless Person or Graduate Student?

Never has any money.

Always complains about never having any money.

Always asks to borrow money.

Yet always keeps a Steel Reserve around for the morning after.

Has no way to secure a steady income.

Has no real job prospects.

Is easily excited by the idea of receiving anything for free.

Is especially excited about offerings of free booze and free food.

Has facial hair growth that is inversely proportional to head hair growth.

Considers showers to be an unnecessary luxury.

Maintains a healthy addiction to cheap tobacco.

Has little knowledge of common etiquette and social customs that are outside of his or her immediate environment.

Offers lengthy conversations about convoluted and entirely incomprehensible topics.

Never gets tired of vulgar jokes.

Relies exclusively on secondhand clothing; is always at least two fashion trends behind the times.

Is attracted like a moth to a light to businesses that are open 24 hours.

Reeks of booze, vomit, urine, and despair.

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